Love Stinks
by La Femme Chikara
Summary: Poor vegeta seems to have fallen for someone who doesn't feel likewise about him. will he pluck up the courage to come out and say it? Nah, I'll just psychologically torture him a bit longer. Shonen-ai.
1. Torn in Two

Chikara: I've never tried to write a yaoi fic before.

Haiku: (raises eyebrows) Sounds like a gay idea to me.

Chikara: Uh-huh!  
  
Haiku: (mockingly) I meant that as an insult.

Chikara: So...

Haiku: (whacks head) Great...a comedienne.  
  
Chikara: (little smile) Lighten up. Besides, I'm stuck at my gradparents for the summer--what else am I supposed to entertain myself with.

Roshi: (looks up from porno mag) I can think of a few things!! (runs from Haiku, screaming)

Haiku: NO! PERVERTS! ALLOWED! (swinging barbarian axe)

Chikara: (shakes head) What a night...(sigh) Here's my pathetic story.  
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Vegeta was lost in thought. He lived in a huge house; he had a beautiful woman; he had a strong son who took after him; he could live exclusively off of ice cream and it would be on someone else's budget (not that he would), but he still had this nagging feeling of discontent that wouldn't go away. Despite all this, there was one thing he did not have...  
  
At first it had been a few, small things---a faint fluttering in his stomach whenever they were close; a general excited nervousness when he visited, or a few passing thoughts. Never enough to merit any action, but still...He rolled over onto his stomach as he lay in the shade of a building and thought about it, and the more he thought about it, the more he knew it was true.  
  
Perhaps he should tell someone, get it off his chest, you know? But something was always holding him back, especially when it actually came down to the subject of telling him. Vegeta laughed out loud as he visualized the object of his desire's reaction. _Would he kill himself, try to kill me, or just run?_ he half-mused half-snickered. There was really no point thinking about it. Anyway, he had read somewhere that it was normal for heterosexual men to sometimes have urges towards their own kind, perhaps this was just some small thing that would pass...Still it just felt so, so, so normal—like it was supposed to work out this way.  
  
Vegeta got up to go inside as the late evening sun sank below the horizon. He had to say it, but how? Should he mention it to Bulma? Should he confide in Kakarrot? Or should he just burst out of the proverbial closet so everyone could see...even him...especially, you know, him. _Why can't he just love me and tell me, so I don't have to be the only one to confess this?!_ It just wasn't fair. He leaned against the wall for a second, just inside the door as he tried to sort this out. Perhaps a good night's sleep...  
  
Nothing was any clearer the next day. "Yamcha's stopping by for a visit." Bulma had told him at breakfast, "Try not to be so distant this time—just hating him is no reason not to be nice." If only she knew how wrong she was. Vegeta sighed as he sat by the frog pond and watched seagulls attack Ginyu:"Hey Vegeta! Bulma sent me to call you in for lunch" he heard a welcome voice call.

"I'm not hungry, Yamcha."

"She said you didn't eat at all last night either." Yamcha replied as he nudged Vegeta with his foot to coax him up, "something has GOT to be wrong when a Saiyan refuses to eat---I mean, you might think you and Goku are different, but not where appetites are concerned."

"Go screw yourself."  
  
He didn't mean it, but he wanted some privacy. He just needed to reflect on it some more, before he could even think of telling anyone. "Listen Yamcha, sometimes I like to think—something you can't do owing to your lack of brainpower!" It almost hurt to say it, but at least it worked. As he watched Yamcha's receding figure he felt a tinge of regret. "Hey Yamcha...wait, I didn't really mean it." Being nice felt so awkward without the added complications.

"Huh?"

"There's--er--something I should probably tell you...Um, about a friend, yeah a friend of mine who, well...who is...that is he's..."

"You have friends now?!" Yamcha laughed.

"Very funny---not!!! Anyhow, he's...gay."

"And the problem is..."

"He's kind of got a thing for another guy..."

"And all this time I thought he was in love with a ferret. **Newsflash**: homosexual means 'same-sex' No kidding!"

Vegeta scowled. This was not his favorite way to spend his time. "The point is, the other guy has no clue---probably a good thing considering..."

"The guy's straight?"

"Yeah...and they know each other well enough that they'd keep running into each other after."

"Then your friend should probably keep his mouth shut and not scare the guy---can you imagine how awkward it would be if they saw each other afterwards?Yamcha continued, laughing a little, "the gay one would be wishing that the guy would forget it, and the straight one would be obscuring his ass with a newspaper. I mean, why would---"

Vegeta was quickly getting very uncomfortable. "Look, forget I asked! It's not important!!!" he snapped. "And tell that woman I will not eat unless you are not present!!! I'd rather starve than share a meal with you!!!"

Later that night, Vegeta sat starving as he lay on his back and looked up at the sky as if expecting an answer. He didn't find it. What he did find, however, was a distinctly interruption-free zone to carry out more of his thinking. _I bet no one else I know is lying on top of a rooftop wondering how to tell someone he's secretly in love with them. Do you find Chi-Chi confessing her love of Roshi? Does Krillin secretly have eyes for Gohan?_ He hoped not---last time he checked, Gohan was still too young for Krillin, but really that didn't matter. The point was, the answer for bothof these was probably "no". He'd figure it out later, but for now sleep beckoned...

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Chikara: Sooo...

Haiku: Um, has anyone ever told Vegeta to see a shrink?

Vegeta: (growl) A shrink? I don't think I will ever have need of a mental specialist.

Chikara: (stare, raise eyebrow pointedly)

Haiku: Anything in your childhood you'd wish to discuss?

Vegeta: (smirk) You mean the first five seconds after my second birthday? That was not much of a childhood for things to happen in.

Chikara: _Someone_ has issues. Anyway, review.


	2. Bulma's Doubt

Chikara: (yawning) I'm writing this while somewhere on the road---the hotel lobby I'm presently in is in Moncton....I think. Need. More. Sleep.

Vegeta: And we want to hear about you...why?

Haiku: (teasingly) Hey Vegeta! Where's your boyfriend?

Vegeta: ...very funny—not!

Chikara: Which brings me to the question of why you seem—er—"interested" in Yamcha now.

Vegeta: (blank stare) Isn't that your job to decide?

Chikara: (smug smile) I love playing God.

Vegeta: I mean it. If it's not written, I don't know about it. Otherwise...

Haiku: Aw shut up already (boots Vegeta into story)

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Vegeta woke up on the roof the next morning to the sight of a large frog perched on his nose.

"GET OFF GINYU!!!"

_This is not looking like a good morning_, he thought to himself as he wiped frog slime from his face and got up, _not good at all_. The entire night, asleep or awake, was spent dwelling on the myriad of issues he already had, as well as a few new ones from—no, he didn't really want to think about that right now...

"See ya' Bulma."

"Bye Yamcha! Come again soon—maybe when Vegeta is a little less psycho."

"Mo-o-om"

He smirked a little as he heard his young son. _There's a kid who knows who's boss—namely me_, he thought to himself, _couldn't have wished for a better one,_ He muttered softly to himself as he stood up to leap down from the building and perhaps get some breakfast.

He landed on the ground with a soft "tmp!" sort of noise (gimme a break here--"tmp" is a very good word!) right beside Bulma as she turned and started for the house.

"Morning." he said with what he feverently hoped was cheery enthusiasm.

"Morning huh? So what about night? I haven't seen you since lunchtime yesterday. is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" _Oh no there's nothing wrong—I'm only just figuring out my true feelings for my wife's former boyfriend!_

"Yeah...are you sick or something? Did you hurt yourself training?" she asked, apparently quite worried about him.

"No, I just..."

"And you really don't seem like yourself either. What happened to Mr 'Look at me, I'm the prince of Saiyans!' anyhow? I really appreciate it if you're trying to be nice to me, but it's kind of scary."

"Well..."

"And you didn't come in to bed last night either. Where were you last night, I was so worried."

He really had no good answer to any of her questions—I mean, what am was he supposed to say that wouldn't sound totally ridiculous or suspicious. This was too confusing. _Breakfast, yeah, food. Low blood sugar won't really help me think any clearer._

"I'm just...hungry I guess."

"Then why did you miss dinner?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.

"None of your business!" and with that he pushed her aside and almost ran right into the glass door.

_This is not normal_, Bulma thought to herself, _something's up for sure._

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Chikara: Sorry it's so short for a chapter, but I'm on the road right now, so I'll just have to make do with a minimum of time. In case you're wondering, my gradparents are taking me on a little trip to Newfoundland to meet some relatives I haven't seen since I was three. They didn't even let me spend money on anything before the trip either---and I want to save money for touristy crap why?!

Haiku: Um Newfoundland...boat...small cabin...seesick.

Chikara: Seasick, Haiku, seasick.

Haiku: No, I mean SEE-sick. Look at the face on you!

Chikara: Vegeta, take care of her (sees Vegeta look at her reproachfully) Please...sir.

Vegeta: I've waited a very long time...(starts fight with Haiku, who apparently is putting up a good fight)

Chikara: I'll just let those two kill each other for a while...Read and review people, read and review.


	3. Fighting Words

Chikara: Sorry I haven't written anything in, oh, two-to-three weeks. I was on the road with three brats (one of whom is getting to be a real pervert) and two grandparents---obviously no internet access.

Haiku: (punch-kick-punch-punch) Take this, monkey!!!

Chikara: So as a result, Haiku and Vegeta have been killing each other for a very long time...um, you can stop now---Vegeta's been unconscious for three days.

Haiku: (sticks out tongue) You're no fun. (sits down and glares)

Vegeta: (starts coming to) Ohh...ow! Wha...?

Chikara: Rise'n'shine loverboy! Big day ahead.

Vegeta: Big...day?

Haiku: I think I hit him too hard on the head. (giggle)

Vegeta: (shakes head) Wait, now I remember. I---

Haiku: Yeah, whatever! (boots Vegeta into the story)

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Bulma watched from the doorway as Vegeta rummaged around in the cupboards for some sort of sustenance. For someone who said he was hungry, he certainly seemed to not notice an awful lot of really obvious edibles---so far he had walked right past two boxes of cereal, a half-box of doughnuts, her mom's cookies, some trail mix...

"Um...Vegeta?"

"......Listening."

"I thought you were hungry."

"I AM."

"Well..." she began, holding out a box of Corn Flakes, "this was right in front of you."

"Well, give it to me, then," he snapped as he grabbed the box and walked off, slamming the door as he went back outside."

Bulma was, to say the least, a tad confused. _Okay, here's Mr. In-Charge-Know's-What-He's-Doing-So-Move-It, and he can't even find a box of cereal. Something isn't right, that's for sure..._

_laterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlater_

Vegeta traced and re-traced his steps as he walked back-and-forth on the roof. _I tell her...I keep my trap shut...I tell him...I take it to my grave...I disappear...I kill—NO! What AM I THINKING!!!_

"Hey dad."

Vegeta looked up and saw Trunks floating about six feet overhead. "How long were you watching me, boy?" he asked, trying not to let any emotion show through in his voice.

"Long enough to get dizzy. Could you stop pacing—'cause you're really starting to look like some kind of escaped maniac. Oh, and mom sent me to fetch you—you've been up here more than an hour. Well, I'm going off to play with Goten for a while. See ya!"

As he watched Trunks fly off, he wondered exactly what Bulma thought about his behaviour. _No, I can probably make up a good excuse..."_

_laterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlater_

"There is no excuse for your behavior, Vegeta! Running off, skipping meals, acting like a deranged psycho-killer with Alzheimer's, seriously Vegeta, I'm worried about us."

"You mean me," heart-to-heart talks were definitely NOT his thing.

"No, I mean US. I'm seriously worried about the health of our relationship—your disappearing, missing dinner and still not seeming interested in food the next morning, not talking to me. The signs are all there."

"Signs? Of what?!" this was really turning into another Bulma-on-an-ice cream-bender situation.

Bulma shook her head and clicked her tongue condescendingly, "Vegeta, Vegeta, Vegeta..."

"What, what, what?" _Well isn't this a good use of my time!_

"Vegeta, just because you're feeling cornered in this relationship, doesn't mean you need a new one. Infidelity is never a good option—NOW HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHERE AND WHO SHE IS SO I CAN GIVE HER A PIECE OF MY MIND!!!!" she completely and wholly lost it as she gave Vegeta a slap upside the face.

_Hell really does hath no fury...! Now what?!_ "Bulma, I—"

"Coming clean are we?!" Bulma half-screamed at him, "Couldn't take the guilt, could you?!"

"Bulma, I have ne—"

"Sure you haven't...have you?" Bulma started screaming, but faltered in mid-sentence.

Now it was his turn to get a little ticked off: "Didn't you think it were possible for me to maybe be simply going through a rough time?! Maybe, the problem doesn't even exist! Or maybe...! Maybe the problem is YOU! ...Huh? What now?"

While Bulma's rant had served only to fuel the feisty Saiyan's temper, Vegeta's little outburst really had Bulma scared. I mean, it wasn't exactly a secret that Vegeta had a bit of a violent temper, and she HAD hit him...

"Bulma...? St-stop crying." Vegeta was really in over his head now, "I'm not going to hurt you, if that's what you're worried about..."

"Okay, o-okay...sorry a-about that. Don't know what came over me." _Man, I really **am** a bit of a bitch...no wonder he's avoiding me._

"Look, you just leave me alone for a while, all right woman," Vegeta lectured, "if we just keep to ourselves until we cool down a bit—tell you what, I'll take off for oh, say...two days? You should be a little less wound up by then."

"And where exactly will you be staying until you come back?"

"I'll figure it out, maybe...," suddenly a light—albeit a sneaky conniving one—went on upstairs, "maybe you could convince Yamcha to let me stay with him...?"

"Yamcha? But you hate him...don't you?"

"Well it's not really a secret that he still cares about you—he'll probably love to help, er, _protect_ you."

"It might work...I guess, but this'll be hard to explain properly to Trunks, won't it?"

"Just tell him it's only a couple of days, heck, tell him I'm off in outer space on some sort of early-onset midlife crisis thing for all I care."

_laterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlaterlater_

That night after supper, Vegeta packed his bags and left. _Well, if that isn't the definition of sneaky, conniving, unfair, underhanded cheating...at least I'll be able to figure out if I really can work something with them. You know, it's kind of funny; I haven't done anything yet, and all this has already happened. Oh well, maybe the thought really is as bad as the deed—but if that's true, then the damage is already done isn't it? No reason not to follow my heart—and other parts—to greener pastures, now is there...? But if anything does happen between the two of us...what about Bulma and Trunks? He's young enough to get used to it, I guess—he'll only hate me later. But Bulma, she would blame herself, me, Yamcha and everyone else—and therein lies the rub. To make myself happy, I'll wreak the lives of everyone around me...Man, love really does stink. Then again, should Yamcha not give in to my advances, he'll tell Bulma and everyone else—then I'll be in some serious trouble, won't I? I'll just play it safe for a while—either that or get the both of us drunk. Worked on Bulma didn't it? No way, no way...I'm so screwed."_

Haiku: I object to the end of this chapter!

Chikara: (raises eyebrow, tilts head) What? I thought that Vegeta had a few things to think about.

Haiku: (in a babyish voice) But Veggie's pore widdle mind can't compwehend any'ting hawd, I tawt.

Chikara: (blink, blink, stare) You DO know that Vegeta is standing right behind you, don't you?

Haiku: I'm dead, aren't I?

Chikara: Looks about that, doesn't it?

Vegeta: "Pore widdle mind''?!

Haiku: ......help......

Chikara: (watches Vegeta strangle Haiku from a safe distance) Hmm...interesting. Read and review, people; read and review...


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